Helping Children and Families: Coping with Grief
Whether the loss is a grandparent, a
parent, a classmate or even a beloved family pet, the grieving process can be
difficult for children. This can be related to personality as well as
developmental age. Knowing what to say and how to support children during this
time isn’t easy. It is likely that we, too, are grieving and trying to process
our own emotions. We can’t prevent children from loss and the pain we can play
a major role in helping them feel secure and cope in the healthiest way
possible.
Tips for helping children to process and cope
with loss:
- If possible, the
person closes to the child should notify the child of someone’s death, even if
that person is also grieving. It is okay if the person sharing the news is sad
or crying, but they shouldn’t be so overwhelmed that they don’t have control
over her emotions.
- There’s no
perfect time to share the news. Children should be told as soon as possible,
within reason.
- Be thoughtful
about where to have the conversation. You want to tell your child about the
death somewhere where they can feel free to have whatever reaction they are
going to have.
- Try to use direct
language and be prepared to give a brief explanation of how or why the death
occurred because children will be curious.The kinds of questions and concerns that children have can be very
different from those of adults, so it’s best to let them ask questions and
answer in an age-appropriate way.
- Make sure
children know that they will still be provided for and well taken care of.
- Everyone
grieves in their own way, including children.Allow them to grieve in a way that works for them.
- Encourage
your children to express their feelings.Allow children see you express your feelings, including letting them see
you cry.
- Maintain open
communication and active listening. Ask children open-ended questions like,
“What do you think?” or, “How are you feeling?” Reassure children that this
will take time to process and let them know they can always come back to you
with questions or just to talk about the loved one who has died.
- In the case of
the death of a parent, no matter what the child’s age, professional counseling
is recommended.
- Maintain normal
routines as much as possible. Grief takes time but children benefit from the
security of regular routines and knowing that life goes on.
- Memorialize the
person who died. Remembering is part of grieving and part of healing.
- Reach out to the
child’s teacher and/or school counselor.
- Funerals, wakes
and memorial services are an important part of the grieving process, however a child
should never be forced to attend a funeral. If a child indicates that they want
to go, then they should be encouraged to do so, but you should prepare them for
what they will see.This applies for
online funerals and memorial services as well.
- Take care of
yourself too.Be willing to accept
support and help during your time of grief.
References:
Supporting
Families During COVID-19
How
to help a grieving child
How
to help a grieving child – Kids Matter Inc
Last updated October 23, 2024